Overcome me...

 

 

 

We have been studying about the Forgotten God of the Holy Spirit lately and I am once again convicted about how I spend a great deal of time, effort and emotional energy trying to muster up the fruit of the Spirit on my own. Francis Chan talks about praying for patience through gritted teeth.

 

That's me.

 

(Not kidding, just this second, Jesse dropped an entire big tub of yogurt in the kitchen and it splattered all over everything. He is cleaning it up & I am gritting my teeth. I did calmly tell him that he is not in trouble, but he did, in fact, need to clean it up on his own.)

 

See what I mean? I'm not who I want to be.

 

I know that the Holy Spirit is living inside of me, and there are moments or even hours...I won't lie and say "days," that I feel His super natural Fruit working in my heart:

 

love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

 

I used to think that he developed these fruits, each one at a time in our hearts over a lifetime. I have even heard it taught that He works that way. It is true that sanctification, transforming us into the likeness of His Son does happen over a lifetime. But that's different. The scripture says singular "Fruit of the Spirit."

 

So, we are to believe that where the Spirit is, the Fruit is...all of it.

 

In my life the Fruit seems elusive.

The closer I walk with God, the more time I am in His Word and in prayer, the easier it is to access...the more natural, the more ME it becomes. 

 

Otherwise, I look at each of those 9 characteristics of the fruit separately and try to fake it till I make it, I guess. I mean I don't consciously think, "I am gonna fake like I have peace in this difficult situation," I just know that I "should" have peace in all circumstances, and others may find me a "stumbling block" if I don't remain peaceful, so I choose peace on the outside and try to believe it on the inside. I don't think to myself, "I am going to fake like I have a gentle spirit" when I am in public, if a child makes a mess, but in reality, at home, I can blow up when a yogurt tub explodes. (not this time)

 

The truth is, I want that Fruit. I know I need that Fruit, so I try to get it, find it, create it myself, find someone who seems to have it and learn from them how to grow it.

 

I have always been taught to seek out a mentor whose Fruit is evident. I have also been taught to look for women with a soft appearance, a glowing face, like St Stephan when he was being stoned to death. Here is the deal, I can only think of a few women in the world who do not have CBF like myself, and the "soft" ones I have sought out to be my mentors have always proven to struggle with the Fruit of the Spirit internally, just like me.They may appear to have it, but I have never met a person once who lived up to the ideal of displaying that Fruit inside and out all of the time. Maybe that is why we are human...we are sinners in need of a Savior...we need grace like water and His word like food...AND we are promised access to Him moment by moment through His Spirit living inside of us so that we can be filled with that Fruit...BUT, every once in a while humanity wins. That is kind of how it should be, every once in a while, I mean.

 

Let's say, a person is filled with the Spirit and walking moment by moment with God. The fruitless moments or seasons would be the exception, not the rule, right? I mean most of the time they would display those 9 characteristics, and every once in a while they'd fall prey to their circumstances.

 

That's a tall order.

That's an expectation that overwhelms me.

 

When people say that, I want to run and hide, ashamed that I can't make it an entire day holding onto all of that Fruit...maybe not even a hour most days.

 

So here's the deal. I am choosing NOT to be overwhelmed, but to pray to be OVERCOME instead. I want to be overcome by His Spirit to the point that I am not trying, reaching or grabbing, I am just ME with His Fruit coming totally naturally to me & through me because He has conquered my heart, my selfishness, my humanity. I want Him to prevail against any emotion that is contrary to that Fruit.

 

I want to be over myself and full of Him.

I have prayed for each of the individual Fruits at various times, but my prayers have changed.

 

I am boldly believing He can overcome my heart.

 

I mean, He says He has overcome the world, so my heart should be a piece of cake if I just let it go.

 

Right?

 

He has already done SO much clean up in there, trust me, but it's time for a take-over. I just want His Spirit to be so alive and moment by moment in my thoughts that with no effort of my own, I can have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

 

I want the moments of mere humanity to be the exception and not the rule. I can't do this, but He can.

 

Overcome: overpower - vanquish - conquer - defeat - surmount - beat - prevail against

 

 

In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world. John 16:33

 

 

Funky Funk...

Lately, I have been in a funky funk. I haven't posted since February and it is officially April now.  My grandma Nene passed away a few weeks ago and it's been a sad time for our family. I have also been reminded of April 1996, when my Grandma Shelby died on April 10, then her husband, my Grandpa Gene died a week later on April 17...today.

Life is so fleeting. Just a mist of air, the bible says. While I really do look forward to eternity in heaven, there is so much I want to accomplish & experience while I am on the earth. Death steals our innocence and reminds us that our time is limited and precious. It suddenly makes me feel old and living on borrowed time when I see a loved one pass away. It also causes me to wonder what life will be like without James if he goes before me...or without my kids if their lives are cut short. Loneliness is torture. We can feel alone amidst a sea of people...I have been feeling like that lately. Maybe God is trying to teach me something. I'm listening.

Re-Create...and so it begins...sleep-overs

 

Years ago, we read this book with our small group when James' was the Family Pastor of our church in Kansas and the realities of what was written on the pages hadn't crossed the doorstep of our little family because our (2) kiddos were just babes. Sure we worked with teens, we had both taught in the public schools and we ministered to parents and knew that the culture described in this book was for real, but most of our parenting experience was theoretical at best.

 

Fast forward to 2013, when we have a 10 year old tween girl, 8 year old son, and two preschoolers...

 

We are quickly approaching some pivotal decisions in our family.

One of which is the sleep-over decision. Will our kids sleep over at other's homes or have sleep-overs here if it isn't a family vacay type of situation where we are in the same house?

 

After reading Re-Create, we decided to do the same thing Ron Luce and his wife did with their kiddos and have "covenant families" that we allow our kids to sleep over with. We will not "choose" all of our kids' friends, but we will choose how much unsupervised time they have with them.

That's FO SHO.

 

If we know the family so well that they are like family, and we share the same morals, values and safe guards...if we are very good friends with the parents and we know the character of the kids...if we have been in the home enough to know that it is safe and rules are enforced...AND that God is the center of their family, our kids can stay the night once they have reached a certain age.

 

If they are invited to someone's house that isn't a "covenant family," we will use our discretion to decide how much unsupervised (without us in the house) time they are allowed to spend there.

Period. Yes, they will have all kinds of kids over and even spend time at all kinds of kids' houses, but not overnight unless we are "covenant families."

 

This may seem RADICAL and OVERPROTECTIVE, HARSH or JUDGEMENTAL...

It probably is compared to the world's standards. We won't deny that.

 

But, if you have worked with children, teens or families in ministry or counseling situations, and have heard even a whisper of what we have heard that can happen at sleep-overs...at the hand of a friend, a friend's sibling or even a seemingly trustworthy parent...or what has been seen on a TV or computer screen that cannot be erased from a child's memory and forever changes their lives, you will know that what we are choosing to do is our duty and undeniable responsibility as parents.

 

Here is the deal...In theory, it makes perfect sense. In practice, it's hard.

This Saturday, Jesse is invited to spend the night with someone who thankfully is part of one of our covenant families. He's 8. Shelby is 10 and has not had a sleep-over without her parents there.

We will say, "Yes," and Shelby will feel like it's unfair.

 

When talking to your kids or your friends, decisions like this are uncomfortable, messy, and downright painful sometimes. But if we set boundaries now, and identify those covenant families, they will just know who they can and cannot spend the night with...not that we don't like or approve of other families, just that they have to BE "family," in order for our kids to stay there.

 

It is going to be worth it. I would rather regret a disagreement I had with my daughter than regret an unspeakable thing that could happen to any of my children. Those things DO happen...all too often...& I promise I am not being dramatic or exaggerating. Parents need to stop living in denial or relying on their kids to "make the right choices" before they are old enough or brave enough to stand up for themselves when we aren't with them.

 

Hopefully our courage to stand firm will help fortify other parents who need to set firm boundaries to protect their kids. Either that, or they will make fun of us. I'm ok with that.

 



Homeschoolers don't get snowdays...

 

Lots of people question homeschoolers because we live in an alternate reality where the rules of time don't always apply. For instance, my kids get up early and often times are well into their schoolwork by 7:30 am. This means that on a typical day, we have completely finished all seat work before 11 am. You might just see us about town or at the church and assume my kids are "unschooled." Not so.

 

They also work through summers and most breaks, including snow days. Since their school is right here at the kitchen table, they can do it, even in a blizzard, even when they are sick. We take breaks to travel or meet other obligations whenever we want regardless of the public school schedule and if they happen to get behind because they are too sick to do school or we miss school one day because of our other activities, we can always do it on Saturday. When they are finished by 11 almost everyday and some days even earlier, there really is no reason for breaks unless we are out of town or have guests in our home.

 

I'm not going to pretend we don't have weeping and gnashing of teeth on days like today when they know that all of their friends have a snow day. In fact, each of the bigs got sent to their room to work alone once this morning. But, after some separation and granola bar making, they were ready to get their work done. They are starting to learn what a privilege it is to be able to be together as a family for school...the freedom...the bonding...the creative time. Some days are better than others, but overall, I can't say I'd trade it. Snow days or not.

 

BTW, these are amazing.

 

2 1/4 cup oats

1/8 cup quoina flour

huge lump of peanut butter

1/2 cup melted butter

1 egg

1/2 cup sweetned coconut

1 mashed banana

2 tbsp brown sugar

350 degrees 35 min.

 

delish

Hospitality...is it about presentation or relationship?

 

I've always envied women who have "the gift of hospitality."

 

I have never thought I had it.

 

Why? I'll tell ya.

I am not a great cook, nor do I know how to cook for large groups or time anything right.

I don't have fancy serving dishes.

I don't have much space or comfortable accommodations.

I forget to ask people what they prefer to eat or if they need a drink.

Our home is decorated quirky to fit our tastes and probably feels more like a thrift store or children's museum than a house to some who enter in. There's plenty to see though! No joke.

 

The funny thing considering all of this is that for some crazy reason people actually seem to like to come over and even come to stay with us for days...regardless of whether or not we have a bed for them to sleep on or the yummiest food to eat.

 

Last week, I was brought to tears when one of my friends told me that when she is at my house she feels "home," and "safe," and "loved" and "accepted."

This is a friend I once fed butter noodles for lunch and oatmeal on a separate occasion. Just butter noodles. Just oatmeal. No frills. No sides, no extras...water maybe.

 

This is a friend who didn't know that the previous weekend another good friend of mine from out of town, Allison,  had just told me that the reason she and her husband always feel so comfortable at our house is because we don't make a fuss over them or let them interrupt our life. We don't put on a show or go out of our way to serve them. We are just "ourselves" with them, warts and all, and that makes them feel like family. When Allison first told me that, I have to admit it stung a little (even though it was meant as a compliment) because I know I am not a great hostess. It kind of made me wonder about what other people who come over might think and if we make them feel slighted. Yes, Allison, feels like family here, but does So & So feel unappreciated or devalued when she is here because I don't even know how to begin to roll out the red carpet for her (if there was one)?

 

Two women within a week of each other filled up my need to feel like I have something, anything to offer in the area of hospitality.

Me. Messy, forgetful, talkative, scatterbrained, non-yummy-food making ME.

 

I will never ever forget the coffee, but that's the only thing I can promise.

 

Yet, two women, two families feel like they are our family in our home. And the coolest thing is, if I am willing to admit it,  I know there are a few more. God is showing me something I learned at a Hearts at Home conference I went to in 2007. I went to a session about hospitality that blew me away. I chose the session so I could learn all about my deficiencies and how to be a better host.

I can't remember the exact words the speaker shared but I do remember the essence of her message was that the goal of hospitality should always be relational over presentational. Ultimately, who cares if people leave our home saying, "She really knows how to work hard and put together a meal or decorate just right," or "Did you see how much food there was and how nice the furniture was,"

yet they don't feel HEARD, VALUED, or LOVED...like family should.

There are a very few people who are gifted at both and I do envy that, but if I had to choose, I'd choose making people feel like family over impressing them.

 

 

 

If hospitality in the most common sense comes easy to you, you might say that's a cop out for not being willing to try harder. I tell you in all humility, I do try, and I stink...I have no idea why people feel at home here, especially when sometimes I don't even feel at home here...It's gotta be about our behavior and the spirit in our home, (along with the mind erasing/bending trick God must do ) 

because it sure ain't the comfort.

 

We LOVE having people come over and even stay with us. We aren't afraid to show you who we are & we want to know you...who you really are. We are who we are. Honest & flawed.

 

Praise God for His gift of hospitality in spite of us!

 





Living Christmas Tree and dance...almost 2 months late

Remember how I said I forgot my blog and had lots of pictures to post? Well, it seems in my brain fog of a 3 month migraine, I neglected to post about something that was a huge part of our Christmas season. The kids were in the Living Christmas Tree at our church. {awesome show}

 

Shelby had a solo, Jesse was in the choir as an orphan and all of the girls were in the preshow dance performance. It was an awesome production and I, who am not, nor will ever be a "dance mom" have daughters who are taking beginning dance from an amazing friend of mine at the OAC. I am her admin assistant, I guess...because I help her and James with the books, send out email reminders, order costumes and sell t-shirts. lol. And, she is truly a gift. The girls love her and are learning important basic fundamentals in a place where I can trust the music and choice of dress and dance styles. They are pretty cute, but I have to admit that putting make-up on them feels a little "Toddlers and Tiaras" to me. They love it, though, so I'm not complaining. I love to see the joy on their little faces when they are performing for me.

It feels like it's just for me.

3 girls...it's gonna get cra-zy!

 



finding beauty in the small things...

 

Every single one of us struggles to be grateful in all circumstances...content...satisfied.

Maybe not hourly or daily, but we do. We compare, we envy, we dream, we want more wisdom, knowledge, love, stuff, excitement...fill in the blank.

It always puzzles me when people look at me as if I am crazy when I admit that.

Eve struggled with it in the garden and we all have ever since.

 

Part of learning to be content, searching for peace in all circumstances for me, includes looking for beauty and meaning in all things. Even the seemingly small.

Most of the time, I miss them, but when I am intentional, I find joy.

hmmm. & duh.

If we are not intentionally looking for the good, our nature is to see the bad, hard, ugly, inconvenient.

 

So, a few weeks ago, Shelby and I went on a walk. It was just going to be a fast, I need to relieve stress and lose weight walk, but I allowed my mind and heart to take a little detour. Along our path, I began posing Shelby in some of my favorite places that I walk by almost daily.

We had so much fun.

We won't soon forget that day.

 

We were completely silly and excited and fully aware of our surroundings.

 

JOY. Is is worth the effort.



Momma, is your baby a boy or a girl?

Have you ever NOT been pregnant FOR SURE and had someone argue with you about something you KNOW about your own body and whether or not a baby is growing inside?

 

I have...more than once...last night was the 2nd time.

 

The first time was when Shelby was 9 months old and I was wearing an empire waist dress. I was dismissing jr. highers to the bus after summer school and a bus driver argued with me for like 30 minutes (probably more like 3) about whether or not I was pregnant. When I was clearly becoming upset and self conscious about my apparently protruding tummy, another teacher stepped in and said, "She is not pregnant. Her first baby is 9 months old." To which, the bus driver said, "Oh, just haven't lost the baby weight yet?" AND, then got down on the sidewalk and showed me how to do more effective crunches to diminish my bulge. To top it off she was a very very large woman and without sounding rude (I hope) I can share that I don't mean tall.

I cried all the way home that day. I thought I was looking pretty good 9 months out.

 

Fast forward to kids...Yes, many, many, many, too many to count times, one of my children has asked me if I am pregnant on a particularly bloated day. They always drop the inquisition after I tell them "NO" and that I will let them know if I ever am, and that it is rude to ask that of anyone because all people have different sized tummies and it might hurt someone's feelings when there isn't a baby in there. So yeah, that is always a little hard to hear, but nothing like last night.

 

Lucy asked me this first, "Momma, is your baby a boy a girl?"

 

I answered, "You know I have 3 girls and 1 boy, Lu."

 

She replied, "No, the baby in your tummy, is it a boy or a girl?"

 

I said, " I don't have a baby in my tummy right now."

 

Lucy persisted, "But is it a boy or a girl?"

 

I am getting testy, "Neither, there is no baby. I told you before that sometimes Mommy's tummy is bigger than others and it may look like there is a baby in there, but there isn't today & remember you can hurt people's feelings when you talk about their tummies."

 

She won't relent, "Mom, there is a baby in your tummy. Is is a boy or a girl?"

 

Me: "No, there isn't...I know that for sure today, because Mommies have a way of knowing once a month, but if God ever creates another baby in my tummy, I will let you know right away."

 

Lu: "Mommy, God made a baby in your tummy and it is in there right now."

 

Me, finally, "Lucy, if you want to have a baby brother or sister it is something you can pray for. God will answer either 'yes, no or wait,' but right now there is NOT a baby growing in there. I am just full of food and water and other stuff and this conversation needs to end because I am getting aggravated."

 

Lu, finally, "Then I will pray about whether it is a boy or a girl."

 

As the picture above illustrates, I am bloated. Yet, I am not pregnant.

It is funny how even at this time of month when I am clearly not pregnant, an argument with a 5 year old made me start to wonder if she knew something I didn't. I almost took a pregnancy test even though it is day 3. Women know what I mean when I say that. Men stopped reading a long time ago.

Being a Momma is humbling.

Shelbster the song writer...

It's been 27 days since my last post. When I get that behind, I am so overwhelmed because a lot of life has happened in the last month. A LOT. I can't blog everything, so I have to start somewhere and catch up if I can. I have a phone full of pictures and videos to post, but no time today.

I did, however, find this song Shelby wrote in her school box. This amazing little girl has written more songs than I can count. Some make very little sense, and some sound like something you might hear on the radio one day. This one is more of a poem and I haven't heard the music she has written it for, but I have to post it...I have no idea how her little 10 year old mind has this much insight and emotion. I wonder if there are struggles she has that she doesn't voice to me or her dad. I hope that she speaks to the Lord and that the songs she writes to Him are a sweet outlet for her. I stand amazed.

verb game day 1 & 2

 

mine

 

 

Shelby's

{her's is wayyy better}



I think somebody needs a tickle.....

 

We are addicted to the Little Miss Sunshine dvd Uncle Jay got for Lucy this Christmas.

It is hil-a-rious and an excellent way to teach the kiddos about parts of speech and emotions.

A favorite phrase has become all too common over the past week with our house full of cranky sickies. "I think somebody needs a tickle!!" It always brings a smile and tickle fest which results in a coughing fit and we have to stop.

Hey, maybe the coughs are productive! We don't want pneumonia, do we?!

 

On another grammar related note, we have decided to do a nerdy verb word abc game for the first 26 days of January. 26 letters=26 days. I can't promise a post a day, but we will eventually post them all.

I know, you are on the edge of your seat.

We are here to entertain ourselves and you if you are nerdy like us.

 

We kind of got a head start, but won't actually start until tomorrow. We are doing two lists per day...

Actions we want to avoid and Actions we want to adopt in our own lives.

Fun and educational. We are going to try to match up scripture with a lot of them on our own, which won't be difficult in Proverbs. It's not a New Year's resolution...It's a 26 day project, people. Join us!

 

 

welcome back brain, I missed you...

{hey, look at that, I am even getting a little creative with my brain back...thanks, Mom for the art supplies!}

 

I am still knocking on wood, but thankful that my crazy headaches & other symptoms seem to be over or at least at bay ever since we gave the hamsters away. Who knew?

Seriously.

I had gotten so used to the lifestyle of pain, dizziness, confusion, memory loss, and nausea that my life had literally become reduced to a daily to do &/or remember to do later list that never quite got done and I couldn't complete many simple tasks or even begin to think straight.

I am a thinker,

a dreamer,

an analyzer,

a planner,

and a perspective manager.

I had no clear perspective or hope that things would/could get better.

 

There is nothing worse than losing perspective.

Perspective is a gift that along with wisdom comes with age and a close walk with the Lord.

I will be 40 in 2013.

 

I can honestly say that staring 40 in the face makes me smile knowing that I have finally come to a place where I know that I know that I know that God is directing my steps, our lives, everything.

 

In my early to mid twenties, I had no real clear perspective about a life led by God. I felt like I had a plan...I was in control...and I was going to achieve all of my 20-something year-old dreams.

All of those illusions were first shattered by infertility, and then over and over {THANKFULLY}by other events orchestrated by the real controller of my life, such as a complete mind shift from soon-to-be 6 figure career woman/working mom to stay-at-home-homeschooling-mom married to a pastor, who was going to be a big-time business manager.

Yeah.

Crazy.

Good.

 

I was smiling through tears today as I remembered one of those perspective shifting/managing seasons in my life in 2006. I was a mom of 2 by then after being told we'd never conceive, so I was at a really good place in my faith journey. God had proven to know a little more than the doctors and given us perfect children, an awesome ministry and wonderful friends. Then...we started a new women's bible study in late January and were encouraged to ask God to increase our faith.

I did. Then, I went, "doh," now's not the time!!

 

(yes, we should ask for increased faith, I don't mean to sound irreverent, but be ready for a journey, b/c faith isn't just dropped into your head, it is developed in your heart through your circumstances and God's faithfulness...not yours.)

 

I had just found out that I was pregnant with our third child, due on Shelby's birthday, October 9. Right after I prayed those words, "Lord, whatever you have to do, increase my faith," I had this sinking feeling I would lose the baby.

 

My 4 closest friends were pregnant at the time, along with several other good friends.

{shout out to Ainsley, Makenna, Gage, & Milo who were in bellies at the time}

And, so was I, for about 6 weeks. We were at a Women's retreat when I miscarried.

 

I remember all of the crazy things that were said to me by well-meaning friends trying to comfort me or make sense of the situation. I won't rehash them because I think they would be painful for them to read. But, as heartbreaking as it all was, it was one of the sweetest most intimate times I have ever had with the Lord. Just to feel the fullness of his presence in my grief and sense the warmth of His mighty arms holding me, literally soothing me...precious. And, it didn't, couldn't "make sense."

 

But to look into Little Lucy's eyes, who came into the world just a little over a year past the baby's due date, we know it was all a part of a bigger plan...Now, that is a true perspective shaper, a faith builder. Faith isn't knowing He is going to give you what you want. It is KNOWING He will give you the desires of your heart that He places there, when He ordains the proper time.

Faith is about trusting His goodness, timing and direction even when we don't have a "peace" about our circumstance or quite understand what in tarnation is going on 'round us. American Christianity & pop-psychology-preachers have us convinced that we have to "have a peace" or "look for an open-door." God isn't that mysterious. He does hear & love our prayers. And, He does speak to us and direct our paths whether or not we can discern what He's doing.  But, y'all, seriously, He does what He pleases and what will glorify Him and fulfill His will. Period. Knowing that doesn't scare me at all. It does, however, give me peace. Real peace, not the warm fuzzies.
Bottomline, have faith in His Faithfulness, not in your own plans.

 

Trust me, I'm a woman...I'm almost 40.

 

 

 

Take that, Doctors (& satan) We have 4!

God is so good.

 

 



Christmas 2012...

 

It is so nice to be back in Oklahoma for Christmas where all family is nearby! Even though all four kiddos have been sick all week, the time we had there was sweet. There is nothing like the support of grandparents, great grandparents, aunts and uncles when you are sick or have sick littles. So far no one else has gotten this illness. Prayers of Thanksgiving and Protection Up!!

 

 

We were planning to go to the Woodlees on Christmas Eve as usual and the Joneses on Christmas night, but because there was a threat of bad weather (and everyone was sick) we went to both places on Christmas Eve. I didn't get many pics because the kids were asleep much of the time. I have none of the Great Grandparents. BOO!  We will have to go back soon and get some.

 



 

On Christmas day and the next, we pretty much laid around in our pjs all day and watched movies together, eating good food when we could and playing games with the adults. We had a pretty fierce  Sequence tournament one night and my dad made us gourmet drinks to enjoy whilst the men beat the women pretty badly, forcing us to clean the kitchen & the mess DAD made! It was oddly the best Christmas we have had in years with the family even though the kids were sick. Everyone was together and there and we savored every moment...even when we were napping. ; )

 



We returned home late ont he 26th to reveal the kiddos' gifts from us...Bedroom exchange/redecorate project. My parents had taken the kids home with them on Saturday, so we worked fast and furious to paint, rearrange and redecorate their rooms before leaving Sunday evening to join them in Grove. Jessica and Brock helped fluff out the pom poms that are hanging from the ceiling. Saved us a bunch of time! We are pretty happy with how they turned out. Obviously, the girls got an OWL themed room. One of our favorite ladies in the whole world, (and someone I will forever see as a mentor and kinda idolize), Peggy Beddall from Cedar Ridge made each of them their very own owl to snuggle. They were so excited...well, they are now. They were only awake for 5 minutes and so sick they could hardly look around at the gloriousness of color and owliciousness.  So now, all 3 girls share a room and Jesse gets his own, being a boy and all...it was time.

 





 

His room is a guitar/OSU/hotwheels theme.  All boy. These pictures don't do the color justice, but the walls are grey and white. The picture above his bed was drawn by his uncle Matt who refuses to acknowledge his artist side as an adult. Aunt Kristin is working on him though. If we ever live close to them, I will force my baby brother to teach my kids art. Jesse got tons of art and good sketching supplies for Christmas from grandparents.

 

Oh, I have to quickly share the story of Jesse's room reveal before I close:

 

It twas a comedy of errors...

Jesse was so excited about his new room that night he was smiling ear to ear, then Francie ran in, jumped up & peed on his bed. He started crying really hard and I told him to brush us teeth and we'd change bedding... He gagged while brushing his teeth & threw up.

After all that he did go to bed happy.

 

And...they are all still sick except for Shelby.

Say a prayer.

God is Good even when a holiday is not what we expect.

It's all about Jesus anyway. When we are going along the normal American Christmas path, we sometimes get caught up in the presents. We are actually  thankful that the focus was taken off of the gifts even if in an unexpected way. 

So, we made our decision...

So, after 6 years of homeschooling, much consideration and evaluation, many conversations and lots of prayers, we had our kiddos evaluated at a local highly ranked public school just to make sure we had explored our options and made a thoughtful educated decision. We probably would have never done this if my health hadn't been failing, but I am so glad things played out how they did. It has given us a new resolve that we ARE making the right decision.

I have been hesitant for the past few years to discuss our reasons for homeschooling because for some reason when I do, some public schoolers' claws come out and they feel the need to not only defend their own decision to send their kids to school, but also to discredit our decision for our family. It is somehow threatening to many people that we choose a different path, though we are not threatened by others' choice to public or private school their kids, nor do we judge them for it. We are only accountable for our own family's decisions and there really isn't anything to argue about. That said, please know that 95% or more of our friends send their kids to school and we love them and support them no matter what, knowing that they are intentional about their decision as well.

When we listed the pros and cons of both {for our family} the pros outweighed the cons by like 10 to 1. Seriously, there are so many benefits and rewards that come with homeschooling. Also, there are actually a lot of similarities. I chuckle when people say I must have patience to be able to homeschool. I actually think it would require much more patience to send my kids to school and live by the rules of the state. Just a few thoughts we pondered because neither choice is easier...

Do we get tired and overwhelmed sometimes? yes.
Would we get tired and overwhelmed running our kids everywhere and helping with homework? yes.

Do we ever argue with our kids about school? yes.
Would we ever argue with our kids about public school stuff? yes

There are benefits and drawbacks to both, but homeschooling affords us these freedoms:

• to choose our own schedule
• to encourage and allow them to be self-taught lifelong learners
• to be the ones who have the most influence in their lives (whoever they are with most influences them most...can't argue with that)
• to teach our kids about our faith in a more integrated all-encompassing way
• to allow lots of creative free exploration time
• to do extra some curricular activities during the day so it doesn't interfere with family time
• to teach them how to be a family that works together and plays together
• to foster in them a sense of a strong work ethic by learning how to take care of our home
• to teach them how to serve others in our community as well as work and provide opportunities for real-life learning experiences
• to speak words of life over them and not give them labels or put them in categories
• to teach to their individual learning styles and show them how they best learn so they will always know how to best absorb and retain information
• to work at their pace making sure they "get it" before moving on
• to build them up and send them out prepared
• more and more come to mind...

We prayed for the Lord to make it clear to us what we are to do and we do not believe in a theology based on feelings...because our hearts (feelings) are deceitful above all things Jeremiah 17:9...and so I can't say, "we are at peace with the decision so we know it is right." Nor do we believe that just because a door is opened it is an answer from the Lord. Many doors are opened unto us, yet He is clear that he has made plans in advance for us to do. Jer 29:11 & Eph 2:10

I will admit that the door HAS been opened...they did really well at evaluations. And I will also admit that sitting in the school and the few hours that followed I was literally sick to my stomach in a way that I just knew it wasn't right. Yet, those instances didn't make our decision.

It was watching our children...studying how they interact with one another and the community...reading their journals and thoughts...as well as they way they are innocent and creative in a way we see being pulled out of many other kids their age. It was also the people the Lord sent into our lives and conversations I fully believe that were orchestrated by Him to lead us in the direction of His will for our family. I can't even mention the countless random instances that people have spoken to us about their own experiences, struggles, successes and failures with both home and public school. Every day brought at least one or more person across our path who had a message seemingly straight from the Father.

And, most importantly, James and I both feel strongly that God's plan just looks different for our family than most and that is mighty fine with us. We are the Lichtenbergers afterall...

Unique in every way.

Not bragging...every family is unique and we are fully aware that some people do not appreciate our uniquenesses, but God does, and that's all that matters.

 

 

Praying about public school vs homeschool...

Lately, we have been thinking, talking and praying A LOT about what direction is best for our family when it comes to the education of our children. With me being pretty sick off and on since September, homeschooling is sometimes overwhelming. I know there are homeschoolers gasping out there at the fact that I am admitting this, but I am real and will always be honest about what we are going through. Parenting in general is difficult sometimes, and homeschooling even the more. Our sweet kiddos are well-adjusted social butterflies with more confidence and creativity than I ever had. In the home environment, they are able to get their school done pretty quickly and have a great deal of time to write plays and music, help us serve at church, create artwork and learn how to do chores and other household duties. They thrive in this environment when I am on my game. But, I've been off my game... Even off my game, I have seen them grow and learn and I have been the one to witness the lightbulb moments I'd miss if they were in school all day.

 

When we evaluate our reasoning for homeschooling it seems to change year to year, season to season. Right now, we appreciate the freedom and flexibility for our family and privilege of choosing to allow them to focus on what they are interested in for more than just a few minutes a day after their homework and activities are completed. We also appreciate that we are the ones pouring into them most. YES, it is a challenge when we are outta gas and feel like we have nothing to "pour," but coming from teaching in the public school classroom, we both know that public school teachers are also stressed and outta gas this time of year...ready for a break themselves. Been there, done that. We hear of things that are said to students by stressed out teachers that can break their little spirits and it makes us sad. We also hear from some friends that school seems to zap their kiddos energy and creativity sometimes and then others say school has stretched their kids and fostered creativity.

 

We appreciate that we have the time and luxury of teaching to OUR kids' learning styles, capitalizing on teachable moments and weaving faith into everything we teach. We love that they can do extra curricular activities during the day and not miss out on family time and that if Daddy is working late, we can always go up to the OAC and spend time with him. They can go spend extended time with Grandparents and we can go visit friends whenever we want. We school year-round with very few short breaks, so it all evens out, but WE are in charge of our schedule, not the state.

So many benefits...yet challenging, just like any job might be.

 

We are not at all "against" public school, but homeschooling has been such a blessing for our family. That said, we have lots to consider. Kansas and Arizona had many more opportunities for homeschooled kiddos to do choir, band, sports, etc. Enid, not so much. There is a school we are considering trying out with Shelby and Jesse. It is a small district that offers bible as an elective. They have all kinds of clubs and activities that may benefit them. We always want to do what is best for everyone in our family overall, and we will. If that means public school, we will do it. But there is one thing we are serious about and that is evaluating, praying and reevaluating every year and semester to make sure we are on the right path.

 

If you think of us, please pray for the upcoming decisions we are making.

We know God is in control and trust Him completely through this process. 

losing track of time...

It must be Christmastime again, because Sneeple our elf is back, the tree is up, everyone is sick off and on and we are watching lots and lots of Christmas movies. I love Christmas.

 

I love the conversations we have about Jesus' birth, Mary's obedience and anticipation, Joseph's reaction and final decision, Simeon's declaration that he could die happy because he had finally seen the Promised Savior, and all of the prophecies that were obviously fulfilled in Jesus. Watching the light bulbs come on in our kiddos' eyes as they finally "get it" is so amazing. This is a magical time.

 

Even when there is always at least one person sick and I continue to battle my weird headaches and vertigo, every once in a while, we have a clear perfect moment of connection to one another and to the truth in His word, His life and love.

 

Compassion is heightened around Christmastime and even kids have the desire to put others first. They want to give. It is a God-given desire to meet the needs of others and this time of year we have so many opportunities to step outside of our egocentric world and just serve, just give. It should happen year-round and for some of us, it does, but for others and for us when we are busy, we thank God he gives us the reminder of His Son's birth to regain our focus. Just like communion is a weekly fellowship and reminder of Christ's free gift of salvation, Christmastime reminds us of His coming...how he came, who he came through...His sacrifice in not only dying, but in choosing to take on a human form and share humanity with us, to know us intimately because he experienced life on earth as a man with all of the joys, sorrows, temptations and pain this world brings.

Beautiful.

 



Wrestling season is also in full swing. James is still directing the youth wrestling club here in Enid. Jesse is wrestling for his second year. He got 3rd at one tourney. He loves practice, and gets nervous at tournaments, but he's getting better and tougher. He got his poor little nose jacked last night in practice and he has a big knot on one side. Looks tough! The littles want to wrestle just like him. Lucy would probably be an excellent wrestler, but we aren't letting the girls wrestle. Yes, there are girls on the team and that is great, but our girls will play other sports. They sure look cute in their singlets though! So does Jesse. Just like his Daddy used to.

 



 

Shelberson got contacts yesterday. She is 10. She got contacts yesterday...still computing in brain. She has shown more tenacity in putting these babies in her eyes than she ever has at anything in her life. I am so impressed. I was a quitter when I was her age. She has got her daddy's perseverance. I absolutely love her glasses, and I love her face with or without them. I just want her to have options. Volleyball and dance are hard with glasses I get it. Her Nonni actually bought them. I would have waited. Thankfully, her Nonni pushed me or else I'd have missed watching my daughter push herself so hard to accomplish her goal. This is awesome.

 

 

 

Oh, and like 2 or 3 weeks ago, Emily and her kids came and stayed 1 night with us on their way to KC. They got in at 7:30 pm and left by 9 a.m., but the kids loved seeing them and having them here. I loved having my Emily on my couch and just chatting face to face until midnight. Next time will be longer. I still had to document this night because my kids will want to remember it. When they have sleep overs it's always the whole family! I love it. My kiddos won't be able to have sleep overs with just anyone...only our covenant friends who we know super well, so these times are priceless. They have grown up with other families always staying with us or staying with them. It is pretty cool, actually. We even had mom and all kids slumber parties when we were still in Kansas. I love my sister friends, new and old. Em is an old friend, I guess by now...8 years and lots of kids later. Wow.

We really are losing track of time.

Enter this giveaway...but we are gonna win anyway.

There is an amazing contest ending tonight that Anecdotally Yours is putting on for a free family film. They did one for the Anderson Family Crew and I am thinking knowing that we need to win this film.  I feel like we have lost September through December because of my weird illness and I have a lot of missing pieces, days, weeks on our blog. It has been a grey time in our lives...everything cloudy in our normally brightly colored Lichten-world. If we don't win, I think they have inspired me enough to make a make-shift one myself (or try once I can spend more time on the computer.)

Anyways, you can find the contest {HERE} and entries are closed at midnight tonight.

I'd wish you luck, but we want to win!!  The Anderson's video is incredible. You will laugh and cry if you know them at all or have followed their journey on their blog.

We are a "colorful" family.

We need our sunshine back.

why haven't i posted much...what i do instead...

Lately, I have been dealing with come crazy health issues. Nothing serious that I know of, but terribly inconvenient and sometimes debilitating. I've seen several doctors, heard & read about many theories & possibilities about what might be going on with me, but no answers, so for now, I just need to rest and take care of myself. If I choose not to, I end up in bed anyway because my head and dizziness forces me there. I am unable to be around strong scents, loud repeated noises or especially fluorescent lights without becoming seriously nauseous and eventually getting a migraine or some other type of horrible headache leading to vomiting. I went from being up at the church almost daily for school with the kids and to help James to only 3 times a week because there are fluorescent lights everywhere. If I go, I have to take a Phenegren which helps on a small scale, but lands me in bed for a few hours when I get home because of the side effects. It almost feels like my life is being taken away from me, one activity at a time, but I refuse to be depressed about it. God is allowing this in my life for a reason, so I will do the best I can and do whatever I can to normalize my life, but slow way down so I can hear His voice above all else.

I haven't posted much because looking at the computer screen hurts my head and makes me nauseous. Sounds crazy, huh? Feels crazy too. It isn't just the screen though, it is even hard for me to read books or even my bible because after a few pages my head is hurting and I am dizzy again.

What do I do instead?
1)Spend a lot more time with my family, enjoying the little things and using instagram instead of the computer which is quicker and easier to post to...hence, fewer head issues.

2) Read short passages a few times a day of my bible and other book I am reading, Calm My Anxious Heart.

3) Listen to podcasts...lots of them.

Like these series by Marc Driscoll: (Yes I know he is radical. I love radical & he gets me fired up about the gospel and being a missionary in my own community.)

& anything by John Piper, like this:

the podcast found here on true womanhood
Any message from the Desiring God Site

& messages from my brother's church in OKC, Frontline, like this one:
Freedom in God, Light in the Darkness series

These have really helped me to stay grounded and stay in the Word even if I can't read as much as I am used to. These three pastors are incredibly gifted at delivering the message of the gospel, which should bring about wisdom and godly conviction that leads to repentance and releases us to freedom with an empowerment to go and share what we have learned, entering into relationship with others and making disciples. The gospel is power. If I can't read it, I'm gonna listen to it and do my best to live it out with His power.


I'd still appreciate prayers of intercession for me and my family. When Momma hurts, the homefront and schedule are pretty unpredictable. Kiddos don't operate their best with unpredictability. But hey, they learn flexibility and service, right?!

embrace the camera november 2012...

 

This month, I thought I'd just be totally real and show my darling children who are reading this 20 years from now what I looked like most days in our kitchen in 2012. Fully dressed...make-up on...accessories & boots...cutting fresh fruit and making full meals 3 times a day. Yes, I was oh so domestic. I cooked all your meals from scratch and you loved my home-cookin'. I was pretty much just like the Pioneer Woman only living in the downtown district of a semi-small town.

Not.

 

But, You better believe when a good friend buys me a dress just because she thought of me when she saw it, I'm gonna have Shelby take my picture whilst wearing it with my iPhone.

Can you believe I have such sweet friends? God is good to me.

About twice a week I look pretty decently put together.

Once is always church, as was the case in this pic. Sunday, after church.

 



 

I love you chillins.

I hope you will remember me looking half-way put together rather than how I look today.

Although, I do post no-make-up, ordinary me pics sometimes too, that's important.

 

 

Lucy's 5!

Little LuLu turned 5 yesterday. I started this blog at the very end of my pregnancy with her, so I guess my blog is 5 too. Weird. This sweet crazy pint sized ray of sunshine lights up our lives with her hilarious one-of-a-kind Lucy style antics. We've always said her curls match her personality because she is beautiful, unpredictable and wild, but soft and sensitive at the same time. She got a brand new bike for her birthday and rides like a champ. I can't wait to see what the Lord has planned for her.